Website Bullshit Detector: Call Bullshit On Bad Website Advice

Your designer says you need a new website. Your developer says WordPress is dangerous. Your SEO guy says he can guarantee first place on Google, presumably because he knows a guy who knows a guy who knew a gal who was dating a dude that knows a guy who works at Google.

Some advice is useful. Some is a half-truth with an invoice attached. Some is absolute bullshit delivered by a person who has learned to say “digital strategy” without laughing.

Pick a claim below. Tell us what is behind it. Get a verdict, the evidence worth asking for, and a pointed question you can send straight back. You do not need to understand the code to ask why the hell you are paying for it.

How To Call Bullshit On Your Web Designer

Start with the claim, not the insult. “You’re an asshole” may be emotionally satisfying, but “Show me why this requires a rebuild instead of a repair” is harder to dodge.

A useful answer names the problem, supports it with evidence, explains the proposed work, and tells you what it costs. An evasive answer adds another acronym and hopes you become tired.

The Four Verdicts

Bullshit

The selected claim contains a false or indefensible promise. Examples include guaranteed organic Google rankings and treating a perfect speed score as a ticket to first place. Ask them to correct the claim in writing.

Possibly Bullshit

The explanation is missing, misleading, or suspiciously convenient. The recommendation could still be right. Make them demonstrate why it applies to your business.

Legitimate, If They Can Back It Up

The explanation you selected can support a sensible service or recommendation. Check the actual evidence and terms. Plausible is not the same as proved.

Not Enough Information

You have not seen enough detail to judge it. Ask the question the machine gives you. If the answer is another fog bank, keep asking.

A Few Claims Worth Challenging

“You Need A New Website.”

Maybe you do. Maybe you need a repaired form, clearer copy, or a site that stops loading a photograph the size of a bedsheet. Ask for the problems, your requirements, and a comparison of repair versus replacement.

“You Need Monthly SEO.”

Ongoing SEO work can be worthwhile. A monthly report does not automatically prove that worthwhile work happened. Ask what they did, why they did it, and what happens next. You are buying labor and judgment, not an offering to the Google volcano.

“You Own Everything.”

Which things? Your domain? Your content? Custom code? A licensed theme? A hosted platform you cannot export? “Everything” tends to get considerably smaller when somebody asks for an itemized list.

“Your Site Is Too Slow.”

Show the pages, conditions and measurements. Explain the effect on visitors. Propose a fix that addresses the cause. One scary screenshot is not a substitute for diagnosis.

Keep The Useful Part Of The Argument

Copy the message from your result and send it back. Get the answer in writing. Compare it with your quote, agreement, account access and actual evidence. A clear explanation should make the decision easier, even if you ultimately keep the same provider.

This Contraption checks selected claims using fixed rules. It does not scan your site, read your contract, or determine whether a particular person is dishonest. Your answers stay in this page and disappear when it reloads; copy any result you want to keep.

Where The Technical Checks Come From

Google warns against guaranteed number-one rankings. Its indexing guidance explains the limits of sitemap submission. Its page experience guidance explains why great performance scores do not guarantee top rankings. WordPress publishes security guidance that deals with actual maintenance and access practices.

Need Somebody To Explain The Damned Thing?

Blue Dozen Design builds and maintains websites for Asheville-area small businesses. We can discuss whether your site needs a repair or maintenance work, a rebuild, or simply a more useful plan. Talk to James. Bring the claim and whatever evidence you have.

This is one of the Contraptions in The Machine Shop. The same question-and-answer approach can help your own customers choose a service, prepare for an appointment, or understand an estimate. Yours does not have to swear. This one has earned it.